In Family Negotiations, Problem-Solve!

In a recent CNN.com article about how couples should negotiate spending cuts in response to an unfavorable change in their economic circumstances, consumer finance expert Dayana Yochim recommends couples "approach this like partners, not adversaries. Your goal is not to defeat the other person, not to be the winner -- unless you like sleeping on the couch."

In my book, Gain the Edge: Negotiating to Get What You Want (an online, searchable version is included in ExpertNegotiator's ExpertAdvice Center), I dedicate a chapter to family negotiations with the overall theme being the importance of using Problem-Solving Strategies, not Competitive Strategies. Here are my top ten family negotiation strategies:

1. Remember the long-term relationship involved

2. Listen and empathize

3. Dig deep for the true issues and interests involved

4. Identify the feelings and emotions involved

5. Consider the negotiation's impact on you and your identity

6. Put yourself in their shoes

7. Rely on fair objective standards

8. Take a break to cool off if it gets too hot

9. Recognize men and women communicate differently

10. Don't be afraid to ask for outside help

And don't forget to let your spouse, parent, sibling or relative know how much you care about and appreciate them!