I recently spent some time with a giant in the negotiation and persuasion field, social psychologist and bestselling author of Influence: Science and Practice, Professor Robert Cialdini.
Several of his timeless and research-based proven principles underlie crucial strategies and tactics. Here are his main negotiation-related ones (two here in Part One and the rest shortly in Part Two). Everyone interested in improving their negotiation results should understand these and change their behavior as a result.
1. The Liking Principle
We are far more likely to say yes and share information and critical interests underlying our positions with people we like versus people we dislike.
Yet I’m constantly surprised by how few negotiators spend sufficient time developing friendly relationships with their counterparts. How can you most effectively do this?
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Build real rapport
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Explore common personal and professional interests
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Ask questions
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Actively and deeply listen to your counterparts
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Meet and do this in informal environments
Of course, also be nice, kind, truthful and respectful.
Many spend a little time on small talk. But being likable and developing sincere and authentic human connections? Not that often. But that’s the key.
Years ago, a 40-year litigation lawyer told me he always invited opposing counsel at the beginning of a case to meet for lunch. And he made it a practice at the lunch to never talk about their case. The sole purpose of the lunch was to get to know each other and develop a professional and friendly relationship so they could productively move forward if or when negotiations started going downhill.
And if you don’t have time for in-person rapport-building, at least check out your counterpart on LinkedIn and see if you share some common interests. You won’t regret the few minutes it took to do a little due diligence.
2. The Tribalism Principle
We are far more likely to believe and say yes to others we consider one of us, or in our “tribe,” versus those we perceive as “others.” So what constitutes a tribe? It could be political, religious, racial, geographic, hobby-related, or even Green Bay Packers’ fans. And the list goes on.
These connections are incredibly powerful, as we see today more than ever.
So what should you do negotiation-wise? Find these connections, if they exist, and don’t be shy about raising them.
I have lived abroad twice in my life, and each time my closest friends were Americans. Don’t get me wrong – I developed strong friendships with many others. But my American friends just bonded and connected on a different level. I have also negotiated with several of them in the years since as business partners and clients. Our bonds have lasted.
One more crucial point: Don’t use these principles manipulatively. To be most effective at persuasion and negotiation, you must be truthful, sincere, authentic, ethical and real.
Don’t pretend to be an expert golfer if you don’t golf and don’t go over the top on any of these. There is a decent likelihood your counterpart will find out – and this could easily undermine and destroy your relationship, reputation and deal.
Latz’s Lesson: Cialdini’s Liking and Tribalism Principles impact negotiations in many ways. Appreciating their true power will increase your likelihood of achieving your negotiation goals.
* Marty Latz is the founder of Latz Negotiation, a national negotiation training and consulting company that helps individuals and organizations achieve better results with best practices based on the experts’ research. He can be reached at 480.951.3222 or Marty@LatzNegotiation.com.