He rejected our tip. I was shocked. I’ve never had a tip returned. He had carried several pieces of our heavy luggage up four narrow flights of stairs to his Airbnb, so he deserved it. But he gave it back.
Why? He said he was already fairly compensated just by our renting his place. But there was more to it. Later, after showing us around, he laughingly grabbed – as we watched – a significant-sized bill stuffed in the back of a book on a bookshelf left for him by his previous renters. In short, he was angling for a bigger tip after our stay! Bright move!
We just returned from a trip abroad to Edinburgh and Rome, and this strategy and others highlighted some common and effective negotiation tactics to keep in mind as you travel, too.
1. Research the local norms and standards.
Should you tip and, if so, how much? It depends on local norms and standards, so research them. And make no mistake – this is a negotiation. Waiters and others want and often expect something, and so do you. There’s almost always a sweet spot.
Interestingly, this involves at least two significant negotiation strategies. One, the local norms and standards reflect my Third Golden Rule of Negotiation: Employ “Fair” Objective Criteria. What similarly situated individuals do in terms of tipping – the “market” and general “policy” standards – will drive your expectation of what’s “fair and reasonable.” This impacts what you do.
Two, the power of making the first move. Some of our restaurant checks included a 7.5% “service fee” already on the bill. It’s discretionary, and you could ask for it to be removed. But that would appear cheap. It’s an effective way to ensure almost everyone tips at that rate.
Of course, it does create a bit of a ceiling. Some might otherwise tip more. But overall, the establishments believe almost everyone at 7.5% is better than some at zero and others higher.
2. Understand the power of social proof.
Social psychologist Robert Cialdini, bestselling author of the classic Influence: Science and Practice, often highlights the power of social proof. It’s the idea that we generally copy the behavior of others – especially those perceived with a certain status – when we are not sure what to do or how to behave.
This impacts negotiations in many ways, often in consumer negotiations involving marketing and advertisements. If a famous actor or person likes this car, then it must be great, right? Importantly, we’re influenced even though we know they’re paid to endorse it.
This move drove our decision in Rome to eat at a certain restaurant. Our entire family plays tennis, so my wife picked a restaurant that a bunch of famous tennis players and actors frequent when they’re in Rome. Fortunately, it ended up being great food, too – and awesome tiramisu!
The restaurant highlighted this, of course, with rackets from tennis luminaries like Roger Federer, Rafa Nadal and Novak Djokovic prominently displayed plus pictures of the chef with famous actors like Ben Stiller.
3. Empathy can drive negotiation behavior.
I gave an unusually large tip to one of our Uber drivers on the trip. Why? Because he had emigrated from Afghanistan seven years ago and has a 13-year-old sister back there suffering under the horrific conditions imposed on women by the ruling Taliban. His sister can’t go to school and spends her days surfing YouTube.
Both my wife and I felt horrible for him and his family and wanted to help – a feeling evoked by empathy from his story. We were interested in his life experiences, and he felt comfortable sharing. Smart move by him to tell us, too.
Latz’s Lesson: When traveling, research local norms and standards, beware of the power of social proof, and appreciate how empathy can drive behavior.
* Marty Latz is the founder of Latz Negotiation, a national negotiation training and consulting company that helps individuals and organizations achieve better results with best practices based on the experts’ research. He can be reached at 480.951.3222 or Marty@LatzNegotiation.com.